adam is going to be 1 on the 27th. that's one week this friday. wtf. where the heck did that year go? he is about as awesome as a kid can be. he sleeps great, eats even better, crawls at lightening speed and is going to be taking his first steps any minute now. he's babbling up a storm and has one word so far... momma. pretty sure i nearly wet myself when he threw that out at me. mr. wannabe was there to witness it too ... so there was no wondering whether he was babbling or calling me momma. how cool is that?
now... for all of my american friends, you can feel free to flip me off or swear at me as i belly ache about going back to work. yep.... i have to head back to work on may 7 after just over a year off. three short weeks from today. i can't believe it. i tear up when i think about leaving him with a daycare centre. how will they be able to care for him like i do? how on earth will i leave my little man at 7 am and not see him until 5pm? its all so overwhelming to me that when i start thinking of it, i immediately stop because i just don't understand how i'm going to be able to pull this off. i think i'll go crazy missing him and wondering how he is all day long.
all of that said, i know he'll be fine. he'll thrive, actually. he'll be around a bunch of kids his age all day long and he'll have loads of fun. and i'll get used to our new normal too.... eventually. i know all of this ... i just can't figure out how my emotional self isn't going to be sobbing at work the first week i have to drop him off. its going to be absolutely terrible. but we'll get through it.
in the meantime, i'm going back to my old corporate law job... and i'm already thinking that its time to dust the resume off and start looking for something a bit closer to home. my commute will make up about 2 hrs of my day every day. one of my biggest issues with going back to work is that i'll go from spending all of adam's waking hours with him to spending 2 hours a day with him. i'd like to get some of that time back by getting a job closer to home. the problem with doing that is there aren't any positions in my field in the burbs so it could mean a career change for me at some point - which i'm totally ok with. unfortunately, staying at home with adam isn't an option for us...but boy do i wish it was! so, for now, i'll wait it out and see how things go when i return to my old job and ... if our last chance ivf works (please please please let it work!), then i'll ride it out until baby numeroux deux has joined us and i go on another year long maternity leave ... and then return and figure it out. if not, i'll probably start the search right away.
wow... boring post... are you still awake?